RIZZZ: June 2011

so i don't understand. the saying treat others how you want to be treated, or what goes around comes around was created for a reason right?. people experienced such things therefore these saying were created? have i been informed about these wrong? so this is what happened to me. i met a boy, he wasn't cute but i guess I'm so naive and if your a good kisser I'm pretty much sold, so he got my number whatevs, he txted me a couple of times, i txted him back and than he texted me last night and was like pick me up blah blah...clearly a booty call..and i was aware of that..but if you ask my sister she would confirm to you that i have a gift? a special power to spot the arse holes...the bigger dick head he is the more attracted i am! its a curse a horrible horrible curse. so anyway i didn't pick him up kept my dignity ( thank god) than he messaged me today and said i really want to see you, i was of course all over that cuz im just so dumb and believe everything when clearly you shouldn't. so he invited me to the movies and lunch and i was omg omg yes, so excited. drove for like 25 minutes there, came to where he said he was going to meet me, he wasnt there so i was like oh okay might be late, than waited another 10 mins, messaged him where are you?, messaged back that he was somewehre else so i walked there, and was like im there. I WAITED FOR LIKE 25 MORE MINUTES, and he sent me a message saying he got held up with family shit..WHAT A LOAD OF FUCK SHIT!!!. i was so angry, not at him but at myself...i had this weird feeling when i was driving there that that would happen but i was like nah, what kind of monster would do that right? like that does not happen anymore? right? i sent him angry messages along the words of " go fuck yourself really hard". i walked to my car with tears just rolling down, i didnt mean for them too, i didnt want to show weakness or that i cared..i was just so disapinted that i did this, that i believed an arshole wanted to go on a date with me...not just get into my pants....anyway so you think it was pretty bad than.......i than find out ( apparently, eather way its bad) that hes friends did this..just my mother fuckin luck...ive also had the worst luck this 2 weeks, like everything is going wrong i just didnt think this could top it off. so now i feel confused, pretty crappy slightly embaressed ( but not as much as i thought i would) but i guess looking on the brightside...hopefully this is the last of it? i mean can i really do anymore damage to myself?
but ladies or gents, maybe from my mistake i can teach what i learnt
1. if someone likes you they will make the effort, don't make excuses for yourself, if you doubt it than im sorry but they don't like you, they are not shy, they are not busy, they don't like you
2. this could go either way, meet somewhere close to you, its just more awkward driving far
3. make sure you organise it in advance
4. dont be vulnerable
i really hope i'm not the only one who this has happened to , but bloody hell. i just dont understand why i'm so unlucky- in - love. it cant be all the boys it had to be me. but i just dont know what i can fix, i know people say you don't need a boy to be happy, and i am happy, but these constant shut downs just really push me down, i mean i cant be strong for ever. Im 18, if my life has just started how many more times is this going to happen.
i feel really alone but i don't want to talk about it, i think people think i'm really strong, i give off as if nothing bothers me or i forget about things easily but i really don't and i don't know how the hell i give off this vibe because i sure as hell don't feel like that inside, i feel so much smaller.
so there it was, my honest confessions. hope that never happens to you :)
NO EXPECTATIONS , NO FUCKIN DISAPPOINTMENTS.. unfortunately im too hopeful to really stick to it....